And seriously i really want to get back to smoking and be back last time the me and no longer a great good girl! Whatever it is, i want to try to get back my smoking habit again, i can't take it already or maybe my drinking habit, drink until drunk and forget everything for awhile and when awake drink to drunk again!! The reason i do that is to numb the pain i suffering and sorry my dearest babysyg and my lesbian partner, i'm forcing myself to be bad so i won't be suffering.
I'm sorry for what i've decide but i've a decided to do this. If i could control i won't have suffer so much until i've depression!!